Tonight’s

Hello again. I know, I just had an entry earlier today. But I’m going a million-miles per hour right now. I’m totally okay, just animated; not, mania. I could go to sleep, but I probably will not for the next few hours at least. I do have work tomorrow, but in the late afternoon, so I’m good.

Ah, many of us have heard the term “mania” before, as in, manic. Some people, like my parents and brother, probably would say that I am manic from time to time; but it’s cool, I don’t listen to their false and negative opinions of me and my state of mind. Know what I mean?

It’s true, I have lost many friends over the years due to judgments and ridicule. But, I honestly don’t care. I mean, it matters to lose a friend, but if they don’t want to be around me anymore, that’s fine.

I’m probably losing some right now. Haha. But it’s cool.

Ah, my favorite is when they feel they are high-society, and no longer associate with me for that reason. That’s one of the shallowest ones. I find it funny, really. How shallow can you be?

I’m still the same old Travis, and they’re still the same old so-and-so. But, now they get to act all high and mighty, and feel as though their bank account has something to do with more power, more privilege, and more important people surrounding them.

What a twisted way of seeing things. But, whatever. No judgment from me.

I’m remembering when I read that someone said, “Seek first the Kingdom.” Maybe, or to some, that means get a lot of money and do what you want here on Earth. Maybe that’s their idea of the kingdom. Well, it has also been said, by that same person, “The Kingdom is within you.” So, whoever reads that message and takes it to heart is seeking the kingdom within, not putting stipulations (or obstacles) in between themselves and the Kingdom. What I mean is, when someone says, I need that car, or that house, or that girl, or whatever it is, to be happy, they are placing a stipulation on their own happiness, when happiness is for everyone who lives in the Kingdom.

The other day, I was in conversation with a few friends, and I brought up that I had read that we as people are able to choose happiness for no other reason than we want to be happy. I believe that my happiness is available to me at all times. Amen. I am careful not so place my happiness behind things like having enough money, or friends, or that car, or wife, or whatever. Also, when I am feeling unhappy, which is not very often these days, I am careful not to say it is because of anything but a simple misunderstanding in my own mind. For, if the kingdom is within me, I can place no responsibility on anyone else but myself when it comes to being happy and living “in the kingdom”. Amen.

Ah, it is true I have seen some seemingly awful things in my life happen to me and to others. I now have begun to realize that these situations that arise, like someone cheating on you, or that death of a loved one, or a betrayal of a friend, etc., these things come up and if you feel bad about it or are sad or unhappy with the “situation”, it shows you more about what you yourself are identifying with, whether it be kingdom or illusion.

In other words, no one can make you unhappy. In my experience, I have placed expectations of how I have thought life will or should go, and, when people don’t meet the criteria I have placed upon them, I feel they have failed me in some way, and I get upset. This is totally bogus, to me, now that I see more of what the kingdom is about from reading about it and thinking about what I am reading. I mean, if I say the people should act a certain way, that takes their freedom away, from my perspective. It places a seeming limit upon their actions. However, I have recognized that I feel everyone is given freedom from a higher power, and they can act however they choose to behave. It is true, I would never behave as I have seen some people behave in my lifetime, but there is no reason to place judgment on them for their actions.

It could be true that people believe completely opposite truths, and one person will act one way, and the other another way. In my case with some people, I can clearly see that our beliefs and values are not in alignment. Take the first violinist of my dream quartet for example. He seems to have a deep-seeded grudge against me for some reason. It could be because I dated someone he liked, or any other reason. But, he treats me as if he could care less about any of my values; and, he basically walks all over me in any way he feels will give him the “win”. I can easily see that he is having a huge inferiority complex. Because when I dated the girl he liked, he felt he had lost something, like we were in some sort of competition. It could even be said that women place men in competition with one another, in order to pick the one who they feel is in a better position in life. That may or may not be true, but who knows?

It’s funny, when I think back to why I went to music school, I am completely convinced that my relations with all of those people are completely over, in terms of working together and making beautiful music. I can see that they are, for whatever reason, incapable of the kind of music-making I once had in mind, based on innocence and trust. I feel that some of those individuals would do anything to “win” their game. Yes, in my opinion, they still believe we are in some sort of competition with one another, and this is hardly the way to bring people together.

It’s unfortunate, maybe, that we weren’t able to form that dream quartet. But, it’s so easy for me to see why. Our interests and values are not in alignment, and in some cases, not even close. It’s, in some ways, painful for me to associate with them because I sink down to their level of thinking, wondering if we are still friends or could be friends, and feel misled when they cross a boundary of mine or completely disrespect me. For now, it’s painful.

But, taking my own advice, I shouldn’t be in pain unless I am misunderstanding something. Their actions speak more about their own misunderstanding than anything else, and I simply can and should walk away from the ones I don’t relate to.

Ah, one of the things that I think about form time to time is that I enjoy being around people that I can relate to. In other words, I don't want to be around people who are rude and unkind. Or straight-up disrespectful. I would rather continue along my path, and make friends with people that are like-minded and headed in the same direction that I am. I know what my interests are in life at this time, and can see that I have very little in common with their direction. So, for that reason, I’m leaving them behind. Amen.

That, was a lot.

I hope it gave you something to at least think about and consider in your own life. Take it or leave it. No pressure.

Have a wonderful day and maybe, if we are on the same page, we can grow together and find new life.

Amen.

Blessings,

Travis